Perhaps I need to stop praying…
or…maybe…I am supposed to be more patient.
But surely my prayers aren’t being heard.
I’ve prayed, been praying for a long time…a long…ASS…time. My words are falling on the deaf ears of God, Allah, Buddha, and the Feminine Creator in the Sky. You see I believe in multiple Gods. I just can’t rely on one to push my dreams from soft spoken words to reality. I have to spread my faith.
Maybe that is how it works. Maybe I need to to find the fine balance of no prayers and patience whilst still being persistent of course, because that is just who I am. I shouldn’t have to give up who I am just to get what I want.
The thing…things I want the very most are out of my control.
I am always expecting, though I heard that I should stop because that is how it works…right…I mean that’s what everyone says. But I am always expecting. The only unexpected thing is the who, and the when…and the where but not the thing. I expect the thing. I just don’t have the details yet. But if you know something I don’t know, do tell, please because I have no idea what the FUCK I am doing and where the FUCK I am going. I have NO.FUCKING.CLUE. I am more lost than you think. More lost than I let on. That’s my superpower you know. I give so much that people think I am giving everything, but I hold a few cards close to my chest. So people really don’t know. I just let them think they do. They don’t know. I don’t know. And the Gods sure as hell don’t know. They just want me to pray to their deaf ears, whilst they ignore me. Whilst I sit in the house I built and watch the people outside who fly too closely to the sun only to get burnt and the ones who fall in the deep holes.
I just know that it is becoming time for me to leave the house that I built and pour my soul into another’s. For I need someone else to help bare the burden of me because I cannot do this by myself any more. No longer. I can build, but I need help to sustain.